Grieving The Loss of An American Girl Store

This won't be the last time I talk about the closure of the American Girl store in Charlotte, North Carolina on this blog, but ever since I posted the closure announcement yesterday, nothing has felt real. I've gone to my last few classes of the semester, but I've felt numb. I tried to watch a movie in school last night, but I couldn't get through the first ten minutes. I visited the Nashville store after a doctor's appointment today, but walking through the store made my heart drop, because I was thinking about Charlotte.

I remember when it was first announced that American Girl was coming to Charlotte. The year was 2013, and as an autistic person, American Girl had just become my special interest a few months prior - and obviously, that has never changed. I remember that I found out from a girl on the playground that there was going to be a store in the SouthPark Mall, and it felt like a dream come true. An American Girl store just twenty minutes from my house? My life was complete! Me and my best friend at the time spent 2014 patiently waiting for October, for the store to open, and after the initial opening day crowds subsided, we went to the store together. We took pictures by the Isabelle cardboard cutout, got our doll's hair done, looked at all of the displays, and we each took home a doll of our own - I bought Josefina, and she bought Rebecca. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

A year later, in 2015, things weren't so happy for me. My parents were fighting (they eventually got divorced, as many of you know), my best friend had moved on from me to more "mature" friends with interests like boys and makeup, and I had spent the last few months of fourth grade getting bullied for liking American Girl dolls and my autistic traits. To at least bring some joy into my life and to spend time with me, my dad decided to try to take me to the American Girl store every Saturday to get pictures for AGDN and to spend time with me. And those Saturdays, every single week up until I graduated high school and moved to Tennessee for college, were a lifeline. Every week, I could immerse myself into the displays, look at what was new, focus on the stories of each doll, and be in a place where it didn't matter how old I was, what mattered was that I loved American Girl.

The store staff became my friends when no one at school wanted to be my friends. I have such fond memories of rushing to the store when it was time for a new release, taking pictures of all the new items. The Girl of the Year release parties, the quiet mornings when a new Historical character had just released and I was the only one there on a Thursday to pick her up. Getting dressed up for Melody's release in 2016, shocking everyone at Luciana's launch when I came with a Luciana already in my arms that American Girl had gifted me early, having brunch with a blog reader when Blaire released, my 18th birthday party where people drove hours to hang out with me at my home store, meeting Mary Casanova, the author of Jess, Chrissa, McKenna and Grace's books, victoriously shopping at Isabel and Nicki's launch when something very exciting happened for Rebelle (that I still can't tell you all - how have I been keeping that secret for almost 2 years now?), the lunches at the Bistro, the doll hair salon visits that I did, both for my dolls and to refurbish my special ed teacher's daughter's dolls... so many memories. So much happiness within those walls from the hundreds of times I've been to the Charlotte store, only for it to not last forever. Only for the store to close in February.

I will admit, my family has been super kind to me about the store closing. My sister and I are flying back to Charlotte the weekend the American Girl store closes so we can be among the last customers on the final day of operation. My dad has told me that during winter break, he'll take me as many times as I want, and is planning on us road tripping to American Girl Washington DC this summer to meet one of my friends who lives in the area and see one of the few stores I haven't been to yet. My mom has told me that when we go to New York this summer to see family, we can finally go to the New York City store, which I've also never been to, and I'll be able to go to Orlando again when I go to Disney World (and Universal, to see some Transformers, which recently has become an interest of mine). After those stores are crossed off the list, I'll only have to go to Dallas and Chicago before I've gone to every American Girl store still open.

But even though there's been some silver linings about the closure, and even though I'll have the Nashville store 20 minutes away for the next 2 and a half years (which I asked about today - the employees said it's safe, thank goodness!), it still is overwhelming having something that has been a part of you for the last 10 years - over half your life - suddenly going away. It feels like grief, in a sense. This store isn't just a store to me - it's a place that has gotten me through a lot these last 10 years. It got me through the tough years of middle and high school, it got me through my parents' divorce, it got me through mental health diagnoses, so much change in my life, the pain of seeing something that means so much to me rejected repeatedly just because of who I am. And because I've been able to share so much of the Charlotte store with you all throughout the years, I feel like I'm losing an essential part of what makes this blog, this blog.

However, one thing this situation has taught me is to never lose sight of what you have. Usually, when I go to the American Girl store, I don't touch the dolls. I know - crazy, right? I just snap some pictures, try not to run over the kids who are there, try to be as discreet as possible so I don't look awkward. But today, when I went to the Nashville store for the first time after finding out the news yesterday, I actually touched the dolls. I adjusted some of the displays. I played with the dolls. I did their hair. I posed them in their sets. I let myself enjoy the store, in a way I usually don't let myself. And now that I know Charlotte isn't going to be around much longer, when I go back home for winter break in 9 days, I will do the exact same every time I visit. I will let myself enjoy every inch of the store up until it's very last day. And once it's all gone, I will do it in Nashville. And this summer, in DC. In NYC. In Orlando. In Chicago and Dallas, once I visit them. In LA, once I come back there for the first time in 10 years.

And even though it will be weird coming home for the summer and not having an American Girl store 20 minutes away from my house, I will remember all the memories that I made at the Charlotte store, and have hope that I can keep on making new ones at the other stores for years, if not decades, to come.